


AFtermath

by Skylark62



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:18:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5203805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylark62/pseuds/Skylark62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia and Barba end up going undercover as a couple, but a problem prevents them being rescued until a murderer has had them at his mercy for long enough for their relationship to be changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AFtermath

**Author's Note:**

> A fic with lots of hurt / comfort and a happy ending.  
> It has a rape / non-con warning, but the murderer doesn't touch them at all. All the sexual content is between Olivia and Barba.

Liv sat in the dimly lit nightclub and slowly sipped her drink, trying not to obviously look at the other patrons with her usual cop’s eye. She was here undercover, which was a change for her, as since she had been promoted to Sergeant, she had been expected to leave that sort of job to someone else. But this predator went for a specific type of victim, and she fit one half of his preferred type, so it had made sense for her to be the one to go undercover. Now, as she waited for Nick to join her, she thought over the details of the case.

There had been three couples attacked, each who had been on a night out in this club or the other similar one on the other side of the city. They had been taken at gunpoint out of the club to an unknown location where they had been forced to perform sexual acts on each other before being beaten and dumped. The first couple had luckily been found alive, which is where they had gotten their information. Unfortunately the other two couples hadn’t been so lucky. There had been signs they had been tasered, and also beaten with a baseball bat, and this was corroborated by the statement the surviving couple had given.

The problem was they had no forensic evidence. Their attacker hadn’t touched them directly, apart from with gloves on, and had worn a disguise, so they didn’t have an accurate description of him. There was probably plenty of evidence at the crime scene but they had no idea where that was. This was why sending a couple undercover had seemed the best option. The plan was that hopefully they would be taken to the location where the crimes had been committed, and followed by the rest of the SVU unit so they could be rescued and the murderer arrested. With the crime scene located, they would be in a much better position to gather enough evidence to convict him.

They knew that the couples targeted all consisted of a white brunette female with a Hispanic male, which is why she and Nick were the ones going undercover. The rest of the team were outside, watching the surveillance cameras they had been given permission by the club to use. Now all they needed was the warrant they had been told to get, just to cover all bases. They didn’t want anything to go wrong. So Barba was on his way with the warrant, and when he got there, Nick would be joining her. She didn’t know why it was taking so long though.

Outside, there was a heated discussion going on. Nick was ready but had looked at the camera feed and spotted a group of men he knew at the next table to where Liv was waiting for him. He recognized them, having put them away some years ago, and he knew that they would know him when he went into the club. He had told Fin, who was running the operation tonight. He wanted to scrap the whole night and come back tomorrow, when hopefully the coast would be clear. Amanda was concerned that another couple might be abducted if they didn’t go ahead. Nick wanted to find a pretext to get the group out of there so they could carry on. No-one heard the banging on the van door as Barba arrived with the warrant.

Fin was just telling Amanda that they couldn’t go ahead without using Nick as they needed a Hispanic man to go undercover with Liv, and he was the only one they had, when Nick heard the knock on the window and let Barba into the van, taking the warrant from his hand. “What’s the problem? I can hear voices on the sidewalk. You might want to dial it down a bit,” Barba cautioned.

Fin told Barba what the issue was and asked him for suggestions from an ADA point of view. Barba told them there was no way they could drag the group out without cause, and that even if they did, the cops being there would probably scare off the attacker so it would be pointless. He asked if they could get someone else to go undercover instead of Nick, but Fin told him that he had been in touch with the other team who were covering the second nightclub being targeted, and they didn’t have any more Hispanic officers. It would take too long to find someone else and brief them.

Barba wondered if he was mad for considering what he was, but decided to speak out anyway. “What about me? I’m briefed on the case and fit the description. Another ADA could be given the case to try and that wouldn’t need to be tonight. You could go ahead and hopefully get this psycho off the streets before he kills anyone else.”

The SVU threesome looked at him in surprise, but no one said anything. Finally Fin answered. “You’re not a cop, it’s too risky to put you in danger.”

“I’ll be with a cop, and it’s not as if I actually have to arrest anyone. The plan is that you guys take the building and arrest him before anything happens. I realize there is always some risk, but I’m willing to do it.” Barba’s obstinate side came out now at being told ‘no’. “What are your other options? Pull out and hope no other couple dies as a result?”

Fin looked at the rest of the team and saw nods from them. “Okay Barba, as long as you’re sure. You can’t go clubbing in that suit though. How quickly can you get changed?” He wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea, but there was no way to check with Liv, and he knew he couldn’t live with himself if they pulled out and another couple did get attacked as a result.

Barba smiled at him. “I live a couple of blocks away. Give me 15 minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” Fin nodded his assent, and Barba quickly left the van and headed back to his apartment to change.

By the time Barba was back, this time wearing a deep maroon silk shirt and well fitting black pants with a leather jacket over the top, the team were ready to go. Nick fitted Barba with a microphone and put a GPS tracker in his belt so it wouldn’t be seen.

Barba was nervous as he strode into the club, but he had read the brief and knew what was expected. He was playing the part of Liv’s fiancé and they would be expected to be enjoying a night out of dancing and drinks, hopefully being spotted by the man they were after. He walked over to Liv and put one arm round her and moved in to kiss her. “Sorry I’m late. Work was hell.”

Liv was shocked when she saw who it was that had joined her. Luckily she managed to cover this up and moved into Barba’s arms for a hug. “What the hell’s going on?” she whispered into his ear. He filled her in quickly, explaining that he was the only option to fill in at short notice. She nodded her understanding then they pulled apart to sit down again.

Barba poured himself a glass of wine from the bottle sitting on the table, and looked at the menu. He hadn’t had time for dinner tonight, so thought getting a bite to eat would be a good idea. He ordered a club sandwich then settled into the sofa he was sitting on with Liv. He put one arm around her to maintain the part, and commented on the music playing.

They chatted for half an hour about non-work things. Liv was surprised how much she was enjoying his company, having only really talked about work in the past with him. She realized that they had a lot in common, and in the more casual clothing and flattering lighting, he looked really good. She was enjoying the close contact they had too, sitting close together and with his arm around her, or holding hands. She wasn’t sure if he was usually so tactile outside work, or if he was just playing the part, but he appeared very comfortable with her. This was a side to the ADA she had never seen before, and it was a very attractive one.

Liv looked at him as he ate his sandwich when it arrived. He felt her stare and raised one eyebrow quizzically at her.

“I’m just wondering which is the real Barba. The one I see most days at work or this one,” she explained.

He laughed. “Both. At work I need to be professional, but I like to relax when I’m not working. And don’t you think you should be calling me Rafael? We are meant to be engaged,” he pointed out as he looked down at the sparkling diamond ring that was on her ring finger.

Liv smiled at him. He had a lovely smile and laugh, but she couldn’t remember when she had seen them before. He was usually so serious. But then, they didn’t really see each other outside work, and usually when they did, they were discussing a case, or having a drink to commiserate a bad verdict. Not happy occasions.

Rafael finished his sandwich and wiped his mouth with the napkin, and had another drink before standing up and reaching one hand down to Olivia. “Come and dance with me?” he asked her. She took his hand and allowed him to pull her up and lead her to the dance floor.

“You dance as well?” she commented. “What other surprises do you have for me tonight Rafael?” He smiled but didn’t answer, just led her into a sensuous dance that fitted the music perfectly. She quickly realized he was a good dancer, and that following his lead was no problem. It was a long time since she had been held close or had the opportunity to dance like this, and she was enjoying herself immensely, and not even thinking about why they were here anymore. She was just a woman out with an attractive man.

They danced for about an hour before heading back to their seats for a break and another drink. As they walked off the dance floor though, a man bumped into them. Liv felt the cold steel of a gun pressed into her side and froze. Rafael spotted her reaction and stopped, looking at the man. He was wearing a hat and had a mustache and beard, which covered a large part of his face, as well as glasses. Rafael could see why they didn’t have a decent description.

Liv knew enough self-defense to get herself out of the man’s hold and disarm him, but knew she had to play along, as they had to get him to take them to the crime scene. She did what he asked, moving out to the darkness of the side exit to the club, where they found themselves in an alley. Rafael was holding her hand tightly and trying to reason with the man, to no avail. The man had made it clear that if he made any move, he would use the gun on Liv, and was now ignoring his pleas.

The man had a car waiting, and he bundled them into the back seat before getting in the front. It was kitted out as a cab, which meant there was a barrier between the driver and the back. When they tried the doors, they were locked. They were trapped, and when the man set off, the car merged with all the other yellow cabs in the busy streets of Manhattan.

Amanda and Nick were monitoring the camera feeds from the club and they spotted what was happening, and got ready to follow the cab. The GPS sensors were working so they didn’t have to follow the car too closely and risk being spotted. Nick was watching where they were going, and was the first to see a problem when the car arrived at its destination 15 minutes later. It had stopped outside a locked gate, and the man reached out and entered a code, which opened the gate automatically. It shut behind them and they saw the cab lights disappear around a corner to a large building.

According to the map, the area behind the gate was part of the Turkish embassy grounds. As such, even if they had seen the code to the gate, they couldn’t go in there without a warrant or permission. If they did, anything they found would be inadmissible as it was officially on Turkish soil. They had a problem. Fin got on the phone to the ADA’s office. This was when they really needed Barba at work, not undercover with Liv. Fin just hoped they could hold on until he could find someone to sort this mess out so they could rescue their undercover colleagues.

Meanwhile, Rafael and Liv were playing the part of a terrified couple in the back of the cab. Liv didn’t know the area they were in, and neither did Rafael, but when they saw the locked gate, and a foreign language on the sign by the keypad, they realized they could be in trouble. They looked at each other in horror, but then realized they had no option but to do as the man said, and hope that the team would be able to get to them in time.

In the meantime, they had to keep playing their parts. There was no saying what the man would do to them if he realized they were undercover and the police were on to him. It was quite likely he would just kill them and then escape, rather than get caught at the crime scene. Him keeping to his usual script was the only way they could hope to survive until they were rescued.

The man opened a garage door and drove the car into a large warehouse. He got out and switched on some lights and then opened the back door to the cab. He moved far enough away that Liv couldn’t have tackled him if she had tried to, so she got out cautiously and watched him. Rafael got out too and they held hands again, partly to maintain the cover, but also for comfort. They were at this man’s mercy now until they were rescued.

The murderer gestured for them to move forward and told them to stop when they were under a set of bright lights, with cameras on tripods facing them. He turned on the cameras and set them recording then moved back into the darkness further away. Liv looked around and could see that there were bodily fluids on the floor, as well as a baseball bat that looked to be covered in blood. This was definitely the crime scene. Part of her was analyzing what she was seeing, but the rest of her was worried. She knew what came next. If they weren’t rescued soon…

Rafael took a deep breath in and tried to think clearly and not panic. He suspected from seeing the sign outside that they were on embassy grounds, and he knew that would mean a delay in their rescue. He wished now that he was able to help them, as they would need now to contact another ADA to get the warrant they needed to enter the grounds. But he wasn’t in a position to do that. All he could do now was play for time as much as possible and try to protect Liv. He had known there was a risk in getting involved in this operation, but hadn’t really expected to be in danger like this.

The man picked up an object from the table he was stood by, and they saw it was a taser. “If you don’t do exactly as I say, when I say it, you get tasered. As you can see from the blood, I don’t mind hurting you. Your only option if you want to live is to follow instructions. Understood?”

Both Liv and Rafael nodded. They were both stood together, with their arms around each other now. They knew what would be next. They weren’t disappointed. “Strip,” the man commanded. They looked at each other and feigned shock. The couple they were playing wouldn’t know what the man wanted, or what he expected, and they had to continue playing the part.

Rafael moved to stand in front of Liv to protect her and started to argue with the man, playing for time. He also knew that in this situation he would argue, and not give in so easily. The man said in a vicious tone of voice “Shut up! Strip, now.” Rafael ignored him, and then felt the pain as the electrodes of the taser struck his chest and delivered 50,000 volts throughout this body. He immediately collapsed to the floor in the foetal position. He cried out in pain as the taser caused uncontrollable contraction of his muscles, causing spasms. The pain stopped but he found he still couldn’t move, and was dazed for a few minutes and unable to control his limbs.

Liv knew what Rafael was doing and why, but was angry they were in this situation. She was the cop, and she should be the one defending him, but they were playing a part, one where it was natural that the man would try to protect the woman. But they had to keep up the pretense.

When the man tasered Rafael though and he fell to the ground, she felt tears in her eyes at his cry of pain, and had to restrain herself from touching him until the shock had stopped. Then she gathered him in her arms and comforted him while also removing the sensors. Tears fell down her face as she turned on their attacker.

“What did you have to do that for? We’ve done nothing to you. Let us go,” she shouted at him.

He just smiled at her, an evil smile. “You both needed to learn that I’m the one in control. If you don’t do as I say, you will be punished. No one will rescue you. You have no options here. Maybe now you will believe me.”

Rafael started to move and she helped him sit up. He sat with his elbows resting on his knees for a few minutes, holding his head in his hands. “How are you doing?” Liv asked him in a low voice.

Rafael looked at her, sat down beside him, and tried to give her a smile. “Better now, thanks. I don’t want to go through that again, though.”

She put her arm around him and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for protecting me. You bought us some time, but don’t risk it again, okay? If he gets too angry with us, he might start with the bat early.”

The man gave Rafael another minute to recover, then grew impatient. “All right, that’s enough. Get on your feet and do as I told you before. Strip!”

Liv stood up and held out a hand to help Rafael up, who was still slightly shaky. They looked at each other, then at the man, before starting to do as they were told, but very slowly, and Liv was careful how she placed her clothes, so the hidden microphone was in the best position to pick up what the murderer was saying. The one attached to Rafael’s shirt was likely to be fried by the current, so they had to rely on the feed from her bug for evidence.

Eventually they were down to underwear, and not looking at each other. Liv considered that if they were really an engaged couple, they wouldn’t be embarrassed to see each other nearly naked, so moved back into Rafael’s arms. He was surprised but wrapped his arms around her, trying to not react in any way to feeling all her naked flesh pressed against his.

“And the rest,” the man commanded. They looked at each other then complied. Liv stood close to Rafael so her breasts were hidden from the cameras by being pressed against his chest. She didn’t want to think about how the film might be seen by others when they were rescued. She felt her nipples harden and told herself it was the coldness of the warehouse, not the feeling of Rafael’s chest hair rubbing against her breasts.

The man smiled again. “That’s better. No need to be shy. Now, you’re going to entertain me; be my own live porn show.” Rafael started to speak but stopped when the man raised the taser again. “I think we’ll start with a blowjob. I’d like to see that. Get on your knees,” he ordered Liv.

Liv looked Rafael in the eye and tried to reassure him that she was okay before she sunk to her knees. Rafael closed his eyes in embarrassment and shame. He couldn’t believe they were in this position.

“Come on, open your mouth. I’m sure you’ve done this before, so don’t pretend otherwise.”

Liv looked at Rafael’s flaccid penis, knowing that she had to do this or risk them being hurt again. At least unlike last time she had been told she had to give a man a blowjob, it was someone she knew and liked, rather than a stranger.

She took the cock in her hand and pulled on it gently, waiting for him to start to react to her touch. Considering he had only recently been tasered, she wasn’t surprised it took a few minutes for her to see any sign of him hardening. She heard the man clear his throat, and knew what he wanted, so bent her head and took it in her mouth. It started to lengthen and harden much more when she did that.

Rafael kept his eyes shut. On the one hand he was embarrassed that he wasn’t reacting to having Liv’s hand touching him, but when he did start to get an erection, he felt even worse, as he knew that was what the man wanted. He continued to get more aroused though as the stimulation continued, and in the end when Liv swirled her tongue around the head and started sucking, he gasped. It had been a long time since anyone had done this for him, and he couldn’t help but respond. He knew from the cases he’d prosecuted with SVU that arousal didn’t equal consent, and that it was just a physical reaction to the stimulus, but it didn’t help him feel any better.

Liv knew from what they had been told by the first couple that the man would want them to fuck. She decided to delay that by trying to make Rafael come. That would buy them more time, and it wasn’t as if she hadn’t given a man a blowjob before. She could do this, and then the man would have to wait before they did anything further. Hopefully in that time they would be rescued. She set to this task determinedly, doing all she could to arouse him and give him pleasure. Rafael started to pant and was obviously trying not to thrust into her mouth, definitely very turned on now, but then before she could finish him off, the man stopped her.

“Stop now! Stand up or I’ll taser you,” he shouted at them. Liv stopped and swore to herself before standing up. She looked at Rafael but he wasn’t looking at her. His face was red with arousal and embarrassment and he was breathing heavily. She put her arms around him and whispered an apology in his ear. He tightened his arms around her but didn’t say anything or meet her eyes.

“Good. Now you understand how it goes. I think it’s your turn for a bit of stimulation now,” he told Olivia. Rafael opened his eyes and snapped his head round to face the man, and gave him a glare. “Your turn. Let’s see if you can follow orders too. Use your hand. Stick two fingers inside her and let me see if she’s wet.”

Rafael finally made eye contact with Olivia. She tried to smile at him, but he could see the terror of their situation in her eyes. He put his hand on Liv’s thigh, and moved it round so he was cupping her pubis. He gave the impression to the man that he was doing as he was told, but in reality he wasn’t. He had his fingers touching her, but wasn’t penetrating her. He pulled his hand out from between her legs, feeling the coolness of the warehouse air against his fingers after the heat of Liv’s skin.

“No, no, no. You’re not following instructions. Do you really want to get tasered again? Or maybe I’ll just use the bat…” The man looked at the bat, lying covered in blood not far from where they stood. “Do it properly. You’re going to fuck her in a minute, and if she’s not turned on it will hurt her. So it’s in her best interests to do as you’re told. Get her ready for you.” The man was enjoying forcing them, which was obvious from his voice. They could hear the impatience too though, and they knew he wouldn’t hesitate to get violent.

Rafael sighed and whispered “sorry Liv,” before moving his hand again. He knew the man was right, that he would be expected to fuck Liv soon and it would be painful for her unless he could get her aroused. He would have to do for her what she had already done for him. He had no choice.

He curved his hand between Liv’s inner thighs again, moving his thumb to her clit to rub circles around it while he caressed her outer lips with his fingers. She had turned towards him and opened her legs a bit, and was now hiding her head on his chest. He felt her breath through his chest hair and could feel the slight trembling in her body. Slowly he heard her breath speed up and hitch as she got more turned on, and he started to move his finger around until he felt the wetness. He spread it around and then slowly pressed one finger inside her, then another. Her fingers tightened on his shoulder, but otherwise she showed no other reaction. Rafael gradually pressed harder with his thumb and crooked his fingers until he heard a moan from Olivia. He had found her G spot and was stimulating it as well as her clit. She was definitely very turned on now. He slowed what he was doing. He didn’t want to embarrass her by making her come. Unlike if she had succeeded with him, it wouldn’t do anything to slow down what they were being forced to do to each other.

The man purred his approval. “Very nice. I like this. But I think it’s time to move on. Now for the real show. I want to see you fuck.” He gestured with his taser in implicit threat. Only Rafael was watching him, but he saw the move. He swallowed hard.

Olivia tensed up immediately when she heard what the man said. This was not something she had ever dealt with before. When she was in the prison the man had not touched her intimately, and Lewis hadn’t either, despite threatening to. Now she had a man’s fingers inside her and he was about to fuck her, all without her having any choice in the matter. She felt herself start to panic and took a deep breath to steady herself. She consciously thought about Rafael, and what he must be going through. She was the cop, she had to make things better for him. Her panicking wouldn’t help the situation – it would probably only turn the man on more – and it would make things much worse for Rafael. He would still have to fuck her, but with her fighting him. She couldn’t do that to him.

She slowly stood straight and looked Rafael in the eye. She could see in his face how much he hated this situation, and how much pain it was causing him to have to do this to her. It stopped her panic and she calmed down a bit. No matter what, they were in this together, and would get through it together. She tried to smile and failed, but she nodded at Rafael. “Do it. We have no choice. I consent.”

Rafael had never felt more admiration for the woman in his arms. He had felt her trembling and sensed the panic in her, but now she had pulled herself together and even given him permission to do what they were being forced into. She was so strong. He had to be too. He looked around at where they were to try and figure out the best way to do this. The man saw this and instructed him. “Do it from behind, facing this way. I want to see her body, not yours. And don’t even think about faking it. I’ll taser you then use the bat on you if you do.”

Rafael had been thinking of doing just that, but gave up the idea. He couldn’t risk making the man angry. They just had to hope to God they would get rescued in time before they were killed. He gave Liv a hug and apologized to her again before turning her towards the man and standing behind her. Liv opened her legs and leant over so he could get in the right position, and he took his still hard cock in his hand and moved it to her vagina, before very slowly sliding into her.

He gasped at the heat and tightness of her body and had to stop himself from thrusting all the way inside. He continued to push gently until he was all the way in, and then stopped to give her time to get used to him. He wrapped both arms around her and she grasped them tightly with her own. After a few seconds she tilted her hips backward to move him slightly deeper into her then moved forwards again. He took the hint and started to slowly thrust into her.

They were both trying to concentrate on each other’s reactions, and pretend the man wasn’t there, and it was working. They moved more quickly, finding a rhythm that they both liked, and the sensations built up in them. Soon they were thrusting hard into each other, and Rafael knew he was going to come soon. He didn’t want to without Liv though; if they were going to die soon, they could at least do it after both having an orgasm he thought, practically hysterically. He moved one hand down to stimulate her clit, and the other up to caress a breast, tugging gently at an erect nipple. Liv gasped and turned her head towards his. He covered her mouth with his own and they kissed desperately as they both got closer to their peaks.

Just then there was a crash and a shout of “Police. Put your hands up.” Finally the SVU team had got the warrant and permission to enter the embassy grounds and had rescued them.

Rafael immediately pulled out of Liv and pulled her into his arms to try and cover her as best he could so her team wouldn’t see her naked. They watched the man be disarmed and arrested, before being dragged away by Fin. He looked back at them with a smirk on his face until he was out of sight.

Amanda came up to the couple who were frozen in place, and picked up Liv’s top, passing it to her. Liv looked up at her and then quickly put the top on before moving to the pile of clothing and rushing to find her other clothes. Rafael watched her for a second in a daze until Nick handed him his boxers to put on. Rafael followed Liv’s example and got dressed as quickly as possible.

Nick had switched off the cameras and Rafael caught his eye. “Those tapes. Do you think we could lose them?”

Nick considered this for a minute. “You know I can’t tamper with evidence. I will seal it up though and make sure no-one can see them. If we can get him to confess, we won’t need them and I’ll make sure they are destroyed.”

“Thanks. Where are we, and how did you get to us?” Rafael wanted to hear the details of what they had done to be sure they would be able to prosecute the man, and wanted to think about something other than the contents of those tapes, and who might have to see them.

Nick explained as he led them out and secured the door where exactly they were and the problems they had encountered trying to get permission to enter the restricted area. It turned out that the man had worked for the embassy some time ago, before being fired, and he had copied the access codes and keys. Fin had contacted ADA Cabot who had immediately agreed to come in and help them out and had woken a judge up to get a warrant. She had also contacted the Ambassador who had given them permission to come onto the grounds and arrest the man, and do whatever they needed to do to put him away. Luckily he was being fully co-operative, or else it could have taken much longer.

By this time Nick was driving him back to the precinct, and leading him into one of the interrogation rooms, before leaving him alone for a minute. It wasn’t the first time he’d been in here, but it was the first time as a victim. Rafael winced at that thought. He didn’t want to be here, and didn’t want to give a statement about what the man had done to them, but he had no choice. Nick wasn’t his ideal choice of detective to confide in either, but better him than Amanda.

Nick came back in with a blanket in his hands and also a coffee, both of which he handed to Rafael. It hadn’t escaped his notice the state the other man was in, and he was very well aware that if things had gone to plan tonight, he would be the one in the position Rafael was in. They had the audio feed from the microphones that both Liv and Rafael had been wearing, until Rafael’s had been fried by the taser, at least. From that he had a pretty good idea what they had both been through, although of course he would still need to take the statement. If he could make things easier for the other man though, he would.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that tonight. If we had any idea that there was any connection to the embassy, or that we wouldn’t be able to get you out quickly, we would never have let you go undercover. I’m sure you don’t want me taking your statement, but Fin and Carisi are with the suspect. If you’d rather one of them be here instead though, I can go...”

“Forget it. Let’s just get this over with,” Rafael interrupted. “It won’t do any good thinking about what if’s. Just take my statement so I can get out of here.” He was trembling in reaction to what had happened, and the aftermath of adrenaline, and was thankful for the blanket and coffee. He just had to hold on long enough to give his statement and get home. Then he could give in to the tears and rage he was feeling in the privacy of his own apartment.

Nick realized some of what the other man was feeling, having seen it in victims before, so got down to the business of taking the statement. He told Rafael that he had been listening to the audio feed so just needed confirmation of what happened to tie in all the evidence together. He knew he would have been tempted to miss out bits or fudge the truth to try and protect himself and Olivia from what they had been forced to do, so wanted to make sure that didn’t happen. They needed the evidence to corroborate what actually happened in order to get a watertight conviction.

Rafael took a deep breath to steady himself then drew on all his courtroom skills to give his statement. He was factual and succinct, stating what they did and what the man had said to them. As he did in the courtroom he used non-explicit language where possible and stayed professional. When he finished and Nick turned off the tape recorder, he slumped down in exhaustion. He couldn’t take much more. He needed to get out of there.

Just then, the door opened. Alexandra Cabot came in and sat down in the seat next to Nick. “Rafael,” she greeted him. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through tonight. We’re almost finished here then Nick will take you home. I’ve spoken to the DA and you’ve got next week off at least. More if you want it. Just give him a ring in a few days and let him know how you’re doing and what we can do to help you.”

Rafael nodded at her, glad it was her who was in charge of the case. He had known her for years and was well aware of her experience with SVU cases and felt confident that it would be in good hands.

“Umm,” Alex paused, more uncomfortable now at what she had to discuss with him. “We are going to be charging the suspect with 6 counts of abduction, 4 counts of murder and also rape of the first couple and you and Liv. But of course as it wasn’t him who actually physically assaulted you both, he is not the only one who could be charged. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but for the record I’ve got to tell you that we can charge Olivia with assaulting you, and also you for assaulting her. Now I’m not planning on pressing those charges unless either of you want me to. It is your right though, so tell me if you do want me to go ahead.”

Rafael looked at her blankly. Of course he was aware of that, although it wasn’t something that had really occurred to him before now. “Liv told me she consented, and to go ahead when he told us to…have intercourse,” Rafael pointed out.

Alex looked embarrassed. “Yes, I know. I heard you say that in your statement. But from what I understand neither of you gave permission for anything before that. So the manual and oral acts were done without consent. As I said, they are not charges I am planning to pursue, unless you want me to?”

Rafael shook his head, and then realized he would need to give an official verbal answer. “No, I don’t want any charges for Sergeant Benson. She did what she had to do. The only person I want charged is the man who kidnapped us and forced us to do those things.”

Alex smiled at him and then stood up. “Thank you. I’ll let you go now. Fin is trying very hard to get the man to confess, and if I can work out a deal to keep the case coming to trial I will. I’ll keep you informed of what’s happening. Just go home now and take care of yourself.”

She walked out and Nick waited for Rafael to slowly get himself out of the chair then followed him out of the room. As they walked to the elevator, Rafael saw a few nosey cops looking at him before Nick moved between him and the room to protect him from view. Rafael was grateful. He might not get on with the detective much of the time, and they clashed more than liked each other, but he could see that Nick was good with victims. He had been caring and sensitive towards him tonight. God Rafael hated to think of himself as a victim, needing this support, but unfortunately that was the position he was in.

Nick led Rafael to his car and helped him in then drove him home in silence. He checked if the ADA wanted anything, then promised to keep him informed of any news of the case. Rafael went to his kitchen and poured himself a large scotch, which he downed in one, then poured another. He took it to the bathroom and took a very long, very hot shower to try and wash away the feelings of embarrassment, shame and disgust he had felt that night. When that didn’t work, he drank some more before going to bed. His tears, which had started in the shower, continued unabated, and soaked into his pillow. His life had been ruined by one night, one man.

Liv was finding it hard to cope, but was doing better than Rafael. Although she had been in the position of victim before, twice with Lewis, it wasn’t much easier this time. But at least she knew there would be no questioning what she had done and no IAB investigation. She had a witness to what had happened, in Rafael; there was audio footage and even video, although she hoped fervently that no-one would need to see that.

Amanda brought her the bag of clothes from her office and she quickly changed, coming back into the interrogation room to find a coffee and Amanda waiting to take her statement. She gave the statement; glad it was Amanda and not one of the men from her team who were doing this, and then Alex came in and gave her the same options she had given Rafael.

Liv wouldn’t consider pressing charges against Rafael for what he had done. This is what Alex had thought would be the case, but now she had it confirmed by both of them, she could concentrate her attention on the man who would have the book thrown at him. She had listened to some of what the man was telling Fin and Carisi, and was fairly confident she would be able to prevent this case from coming to trial. That was the best she could do for her two friends and work colleagues who had been through hell that evening.

Amanda took Liv home, after offering to take her to the hospital for a checkup and emergency contraception. Liv had refused the offer. She knew she wasn’t hurt internally as Rafael had been very gentle, and as he hadn’t come because they had been interrupted it was very unlikely she would get pregnant, especially considering the time of the month she was at. She just wanted to get home, have a bath, and then go to bed. Noah was staying with Nick’s Mom for the night, as Liv hadn’t known how late she would be needed undercover and hadn’t wanted to worry about her foster son.

Amanda offered to stay with Liv, but her boss refused. She needed to be alone. She opened a bottle of wine and started filling the bath, getting in when it was full and steaming. She soaked for a long time, trying to empty her mind of all thoughts of what had happened that night, before getting out and going to bed. She had been told to not even consider going into work for the next week, so she took an Ambien to help her sleep.

By 11am the next day, Alex Cabot had agreed a deal with the man’s lawyer, and he would be going away for life, without the possibility of parole, in exchange for no death penalty. Considering the evidence CSU had found in the warehouse that linked him to the murders, plus the tapes of each couple which had been found, there was really no possibility of him getting off, so he agreed to plead guilty. He showed no remorse for his actions, so all the unit were glad he would be going away and they would never have to see him again. Alex texted the news of the deal to both Olivia and Rafael. It was some good news for them, at least.

Olivia got up late morning and phoned Dr Lindstrom’s office for an appointment. She felt much better, having had a decent night’s sleep, and also having been through trauma before, she had some of the necessary coping skills that she would need. But still she knew she would need more help to get through this ordeal. She couldn’t even imagine what Rafael was going through. She would try to help him, if he would let her. After all, they did have to work together.

She took it easy that day, making the most of the time to herself. Nick had texted her to tell her that he would keep Noah for the day to give her time to herself, and she was grateful for this. It was Saturday so usually she would have spent the day with Noah if not working, as Lucy had the day off. She stayed in and did some cleaning and washing, and generally kept herself busy doing jobs that as a busy single mom and full time cop, she didn’t usually have time to do.

Nick came round at 6pm with an excited Noah and Chinese take-out for them both. He stayed and they ate, with him not discussing work, but instead telling her what he and Noah had seen at the zoo. The toddler was very excited, and Liv suspected Nick had let him have ice cream, which always made him hyperactive, but he hadn’t had much of a nap in the afternoon, so he soon ran out of steam and fell asleep.

After Liv had tucked him into bed, she poured both herself and Nick another glass of wine. He was watching her seriously. “How are you doing, Liv? I didn’t see you after we left the warehouse, but I know what happened, and I saw what state Barba was in.”

Liv smiled at him. “I’m not doing too bad. Yes it was pretty nasty, having to go through that, and not knowing if you would get there in time before he got violent, but it could have been much worse. Unlike with Lewis I now know it’s over, and I haven’t been injured. I’m trying to see the good side of it and not dwell on the rest. I’ve made an appointment to see Dr Lindstrom on Monday and will talk it out with him. I’ll be fine, and back to work before you know it.” She wanted to reassure her partner that he didn’t need to worry about her. “How was Rafael when you last saw him?”

Nick looked quizzically at her, not ever having heard her refer to the ADA by his first name. She explained “I could hardly keep calling him counselor or Barba when I was supposed to be his fiancée could I? Plus, I’ve known him years, I’d consider us friends at this point, and I don’t use other people’s surnames when not at work.”

Nick considered this, and then moved to answer her original question. “He wasn’t good when I dropped him off at home. He coped okay giving his statement, but looked about ready to fall apart afterwards. I could see him shaking, and he was white as a sheet. I’ve never seen him look like that. It worried me, but he wanted to be left alone. I know I’ve never been his favorite person, nor he mine, but he’s been a good ADA who has done his best for us. I just hope he can recover from this. I’m not sure he will though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks for a transfer just so he never has to see any of us again.”

Liv was shocked. She hated to think that Nick was right, and this would be something Rafael couldn’t get over. The thought of never seeing him again was abhorrent after all they had been through together, with the various cases over the years, and of course Lewis. She thought of him as a friend, not just a co-worker, and didn’t like to think of him struggling this much. Nick realized she was lost in her thoughts and decided to go as it was getting late. He put a hand on her arm to get her attention, then told her he was going, but if she needed anything at all, she should call him. She saw him out, giving him a hug at the door. He was a good friend.

After Nick had left, she thought about what she could do to help Rafael. She realized she wouldn’t be someone who he would turn to in this situation, considering she was part of the problem. On the other hand, she didn’t think he had many friends, and certainly not any who would understand what they’d been through. So she had to try to get through to him. She rang his cell phone, but wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer. She hadn’t really expected him to. She left a message, offering him support, and asking him to let her know he was okay. She rang again an hour later after hearing nothing, and eventually got a text back from him. Very brief, just “I’m okay. Just want to be left alone.” She texted back, telling him to contact her if there was anything she could do to help, and reminding him that she was the only one who really understood what he was going through. After this she went to bed.

Rafael had spent the day in bed, not getting up apart from to go to the bathroom. He had slept badly, having repeated nightmares where he was holding down a screaming Liv and forcing himself on her. Then he woke up and remembered what had happened, and that he had assaulted her. Alex had said so, even if he wasn’t being charged. He felt disgusted and angry, and very sorry for himself. He couldn’t imagine ever wanting to see Liv or anyone from the SVU squad again. How could he look any of them in the eye after what he had done, what he had been forced to do? He thought about asking the DA for a transfer out of Manhattan, or getting a job in a private practice. Anything would work to get him away from the people who knew what he had done.

His mind kept going over what had happened. He remembered how he had gotten aroused by Liv’s mouth on him, how he had been enjoying fucking her and had been close to coming when they had been rescued and felt even more disgusted at himself. What type of man would have enjoyed that? He conveniently forgot the number of victims he had personally seen in court who had felt aroused when they had been assaulted. He knew in his mind that being turned on wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t stop thinking that he should have been able to stop it.

He ignored his phone when it rang, both times. He listened to the messages from Liv, and found himself in tears again at hearing the concern in her voice. How could she care about him, about what happened to him? He realized he needed to make contact with her though, if for no other reason that to reassure her he was okay so she would stop bothering him. The last thing he wanted was for her to come round or send someone else to check on him. So he texted her back, then turned his phone off. He didn’t want to hear from anyone.

Sunday Liv spent in the park with Noah. She was glad to have the little boy to distract her, and it was a balm to her soul to see him running round having fun, hearing his laughter and seeing his happy smile. She felt the sun on her face and thought of all she was grateful for: after coming so close to dying the other night, she realized how much she had to live for. She loved Noah with all her heart, and was going through the adoption process with him. Soon, he should be hers for real. She was happy in her job, and having been sexually assaulted herself, she knew the value of the work they did in helping the survivors and putting away the monsters who did this. She had good friends who cared for her too, and the means to get support to help her through the bad times. She was seeing Dr Lindstom the next morning, and was grateful she had someone she already trusted and who knew her so well, so she could get help. She had a lot to be happy about.

Rafael was feeling the opposite. He made it out of bed but only as far as the couch, where he slumped in front of the TV all day; not really watching anything, but just to have a distraction. He ate some old take out he found in the fridge, and drank coffee, but switched to whiskey in the afternoon. He wanted to be numb, to forget. He didn’t really have any friends, as he’d spent most of his adult life concentrating on his career. Most of the people he would have considered friends, like Olivia, were people he knew from work. He couldn’t imagine going back there, so felt he had lost that too. His mom was away, staying with her sister, so she wasn’t there for him, and he had no other family. If he just left, or had died the other night, would anyone other than work colleagues have even noticed? He realized he didn’t have much to show for his life. He was his career. He hadn’t been on holiday for years, rarely went out.  
He had no friends, not much family, and no lover. He looked round his apartment. He didn’t even have many photos. It looked more like a show apartment, not as if a real flesh and blood person lived there. He started to wish he had died on Friday night.

Monday morning dawned, and Lucy came round in time to take Noah off Liv’s hands so she could make it across town to her appointment at Dr Lindstrom’s office. He had been surprised to see she had made an urgent appointment, as she had been doing very well and had stopped regularly seeing him some months before. When she came in and told him what happened though, he was very glad he had been able to accommodate her.

Liv told her therapist exactly what had happened, and how she had felt. He had asked her what she had done since Friday night, and congratulated her on her coping skills. She had learnt from him after Lewis that counting her blessings and appreciating what was good in her life was a great way to help her get over the trauma she had been through. It was easier now she had Noah though, as he was a constant reminder to her to stay in the present and not dwell on the past. She also pointed out that she was in a much better situation than last time, not being injured or facing an IAB investigation. She knew she would be able to get over this, as she had been through worse and survived. Dr Lindstrom gave her a few more bits of advice and advised her to make another appointment for next week though, as even though she was coping well, that didn’t mean she was over it. Talking it through would still be necessary.

He also asked her about how she felt about Rafael. Unlike before, now she had someone who not only had shared her trauma, but had contributed to it. She denied this, knowing Rafael had only done what he had been forced to do, but Dr Lindstrom pointed out that her subconscious didn’t know this, and she may have nightmares about it in which he featured. He asked her if she would have trouble working with the ADA again, and she told him she was happy to do that. She trusted him and had been friends with him before Friday night, and she wouldn’t have a problem feeling that way again.

“It’s good that you feel you will still be able to work with him again and want to keep your friendship. But be patient with him. It’s likely he’s struggling more than you are with this, especially if he hasn’t been through anything like this before.” Dr Lindstrom was well aware that for someone who didn’t have the coping skills Olivia already had, what had happened on Friday night would be very traumatic.

This was what Olivia was worried about. “What should I do to help? Do you think it would be better for me to give him space, or try and talk to him?”

Dr Lindstrom thought about it for a minute. “It all depends what support he has now. He will definitely need counseling to get over this, so it would be good if you could find out if he’s getting that. I don’t think it would do any harm for you to contact him, and try to keep in touch. If you don’t he could easily think you blame him or are avoiding him, which could make things worse.”

“If he isn’t getting counseling, would you see him? I don’t know anyone else to suggest, and I trust you.”

Dr Lindstom sighed. He was quite busy with patients, but he wanted to help Olivia out, and if the ADA needed help, then he didn’t want to turn him away. “Give him one of my cards. I’ll see him if he hasn’t seen anyone already. But of course, all sessions are confidential, so if he does see me, I won’t be able to tell you anything about how he is doing.”

Olivia smiled at him. “I realize that. I just want to make sure he gets the best help he can, and that’s you.”

He laughed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’ll let my secretary know to give him an emergency appointment if he does call me.”

Liv went home feeling much more positive. She needed to get hold of Rafael and find out how he was doing, and see if she could get him to accept help.

On Wednesday, Liv contacted the ADA’s office and spoke to Alex. She wanted to know if anyone had heard anything from Rafael, and knew how he was doing. Alex told her that no one had had any contact with him, and he hadn’t replied to her call. The DA was worried about him, and had asked Alex to cover SVU until further notice, as all he had had was a text from Barba asking for leave, which he had agreed to. This worried Liv, and she checked in with Nick too, to see if anyone from SVU had had any contact with him. That was a negative, not surprisingly.

Liv had been texting him each day, and sent him a couple of happy pictures of Noah in the park too, without any response. The ADA wasn’t used to children, and quite often appeared uncomfortable around Noah, but he also seemed fascinated too, and Liv had caught him talking to the toddler in Spanish when she had been distracted. She thought he just needed more exposure to Noah. She had told him when they would be at the park, and suggested he come and meet them, and get some fresh air, and sunshine, but to no avail.

In the end, she resorted to dirty tricks to find out what was happening with him. She asked Fin if there was any pretext he could find for needing contact with Barba. He said in theory he could get Nick to type up the statement he had given and send him round saying that it must be signed so it could be filed before the man was sentenced. Liv thought that would work, and asked him to do that. She wanted to know how he was doing.

She wasn’t happy when she spoke to Nick the next day though. He told her that although the ADA had reluctantly let him in and had read and signed the statement he had made, he had immediately kicked him out afterwards and had refused to talk about how he was doing. Nick reported that his apartment was a mess, and Barba himself looked as if he hadn’t been eating or sleeping in the last week, and had definitely not shaved and not showered for a couple of days. Considering how immaculate he always looked, that had been a shock for the detective.

Liv decided she couldn’t wait any longer, and as Noah was with Lucy, she decided she had to take action; she was going round to speak to him, even if she had to break into his apartment. She made sure to take her badge with her, so worst case scenario she could use her position to convince the super to let her in.

When she got to his apartment, she knocked at the door. There was no answer, so she knocked again, this time telling him who it was. After waiting a suitable length of time, she spoke to him through the door. She had seen movement at the peephole so knew he was on the other side of the door. “Come on Rafael, I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well let me in. If I have to I’ll contact your super and get him to give me a key. I’m not above using my position to get what I want here, so do us both a favor and just open up.” She heard movement, then a clunk as the lock was turned. He didn’t open the door though, so she waited a few seconds and then tried it. It opened so she walked in.

It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the lighting. He had the apartment blinds closed so the room was in semi-darkness, despite the brightness of the day. She looked round, seeing the dirty mugs and plates spread on the surfaces, and general untidiness of the room. Rafael always had a clean and tidy office, so seeing his home this way was a shock, despite expecting it from what Nick had told her.

She finished her sweep of the room and found the ADA sitting on the sofa, curled up as if protecting himself and not looking at her. She went and sat down on the sofa near him, although not touching him. She saw him flinch as she sat down. “Hi Rafael,” she said, speaking gently to him, just as she would do to any traumatized victim she came into contact with at work. She could see him trembling, with his arms wrapped protectively around his legs. “I’ve come to see how you are. I’m worried about you. I want to help if you’ll let me.”

At this he looked up finally, and she could see the tears in his eyes. “How can you help? Can you change what happened last Friday night?”

His face was gaunt, even the thick stubble couldn’t disguise that, and he had bloodshot eyes which stood out in his pale face. Her heart broke just looking at him. She wanted to comfort him, but knew he wouldn’t let her touch him so kept her distance. “No, I can’t change what happened, but I can help you through it, and get you some support. You need that Rafael. You’re not coping with this on your own.”

He gave an ironic laugh, but there was no humor there. “You think? I don’t see what anyone can do. I don’t know why you are okay with it, with what I did to you.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You need to believe that. I don’t blame you for what happened. I care about you and want to help you because you’re my friend who has been through a terrible trauma. As for me, I’m doing better because I’ve had professional therapy in the past, after Lewis. That was much worse for me than last Friday. Dr Lindstrom taught me what I need to do to put it behind me. He can do the same for you too.”

Rafael immediately shook his head. “No, I don’t want to see anyone.”

Liv tried again. “I know you don’t. I didn’t want to the first time either, but it helped. How else are you going to recover from this?” Rafael was looking away from her now, not meeting her eyes, but she could see tears rolling down his face. She couldn’t leave him like this. She reached out a hand and put it on his arm. He immediately tensed up. She stroked his arm and didn’t say anything. She just waited to see what he did next. She could see the tears speeding up on his face, and he obviously couldn’t control them. A minute later his whole body convulsed and he sobbed out loud. She moved closer and took him in her arms, and soothed him. He resisted the comfort for a minute then gave in and wrapped his arms around her, crying on her shoulder.

It took a while, but when he had calmed down somewhat and got himself more under control, she tried again. “Talk to me Rafael, please.”

This time he did. He told her how disgusted he felt with himself, for what he did and how he had gotten aroused by her touch, and the anger he felt towards himself and the man who had forced them to do those things. He said he couldn’t even consider facing anyone, or going back to work, with everyone knowing what he had done. He even told her that he felt worthless and felt it might have been better if he had died. She just listened, not showing any judgment, or any other reaction until he finished speaking. She was shocked that he felt this way, but hoped that now he had opened up to her, she might be able to persuade him to get the professional help he needed.

“Oh Rafael, I’m so sorry you feel like this. I’ve been really worried about you, and so have lots of other people. You have many people who care about you. The only people who know the details of what happened are Alex and the SVU squad, and no one believes you did anything wrong or that you are worthless. We work cases like this all the time, and know how traumatizing it can be. You can get through this and get your life back; I know this for sure. But you need to let us help you. You can’t do it alone.”

He sighed and nodded. He couldn’t believe Liv had come round to see him, or that she looked so normal. He felt his whole life had been wrecked and it didn’t seem to have affected her at all. Another thing he felt ashamed about. She was so strong and he was so weak. But he knew he couldn’t carry on as he had been doing, and if she was really willing to help him, he would give in and accept it.

She leaned over and kissed his temple. He looked up at her and she looked into his eyes. “Thank you for saying yes. You can trust me not to hurt you. How about you go and have a shower. You look as if you need one.” She was careful to keep her voice gentle. He moved out of her arms and wiped his face before standing up.

“Okay, I can do that. Will you be here when I get out?” he asked quietly, feeling ashamed he needed the reassurance from her.

“Yes, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him. She watched him shuffle off into the bathroom then picked up her phone. She rang Dr Lindstrom’s office and asked if she could speak to the therapist. Luckily he was free. She filled him on her visit so far, explaining what Rafael had told her. The therapist told her he felt that the best option would be if he could make a house call. It wasn’t what he usually did, but in cases where the patient wasn’t able to get to him, but needed help quickly, it was sometimes the best option. Liv agreed and gave him Rafael’s address, and he said he would be there after his last appointment, in a couple of hours’ time.

After that, Liv opened the blinds to let some light into the room, then tidied up and opened up the windows to let in some fresh air. There was very little food in the fridge, so she called for take-out to be delivered, and then filled the dishwasher with pots. She was just finished and getting out plates for the food when Rafael reappeared. He still looked pale and gaunt, and his eyes were even more bloodshot after the crying he had done, but he was clean, which was a start. He was also meeting her eyes occasionally and showing more life than he had done earlier, although he definitely was not himself.

She told him that food was on the way and he sat down at the table with her. She heard his stomach rumble, and quizzed him on what he had been eating. “Not much really, just what I had in. I haven’t really had any appetite,” he admitted.

Just then the doorbell rang. Rafael jumped, but Liv got up to answer it, paying the delivery man and bringing in the bag full of Chinese dishes. One advantage of them working together was that there had been many late night dinners working, so she knew what he liked. She had ordered all his favorites, hoping to get him to eat plenty, and also so there was enough for another meal which he could eat tomorrow.

She brought over the food and opened up the containers, letting Rafael help himself and keeping the conversation light while they ate. She wanted him to eat without getting upset, so she talked about Nick taking Noah to the zoo, and what she had done this week with the toddler, and not saying anything about Dr Lindstrom’s visit or what they had been through. By the end of the meal, where Rafael had eaten more than Liv had thought he would, he was talking more normally, which reassured her.

She put the leftovers in the fridge and made them both coffee, then sat down with him on the sofa again. “So what’s next on the agenda? You’ve got me to shower, and fed me. What’s next on the list?” Rafael tried to make it sound like a joke, but didn’t really pull it off. He sounded apprehensive.

“You know the only real way you will be able to get over this is if you can talk about it, and learn what you need to do to cope with what happened. You can only get that through counseling. My therapist, Dr Lindstrom, was great after Lewis. I don’t think I would have survived that ordeal if it hadn’t been for him. I think you should talk to him, let him help you too. I saw him on Monday, so he already knows the facts about what was done to us.” Liv hoped that he would agree, especially as she had already arranged it.

Rafael sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about it, and tell anyone else how he felt, but he did feel better having spoken to Liv. If what she said was true, at least he wouldn’t have to go through all the details with the therapist, as he already knew about it. “All right, I suppose so.”

Liv put her hand on his and squeezed it. “Good. I’m glad you’ve said that, as I’ve already spoken to him, and he’s going to come round and see you. He should be here in about half an hour.” Liv watched to see Rafael’s reaction, and was pleased to see him glare at her, before he picked up his coffee and stormed off into his bedroom and slammed the door. That was more like the ADA she knew. This placid man who was accepting everything she said was not what she was used to.

Dr Lindstrom arrived on time and Liv let him in. She showed him to the lounge and gave him a coffee. He told her that she should disappear and leave them for an hour, as he wouldn’t be able to get Rafael to talk to him if she was there. She agreed and told him to text her if there were any problems, which he said he would do.

She decided to use the time constructively, and headed for the nearest supermarket. There she bought a load of ready meals as well as fresh fruit and canned goods, enough so that Rafael would have plenty of choice for food at home. She got some basic ingredients to go in his freezer too, as he had said at the club that he did like to cook when he got time. That took the best part of an hour, but there was still some time left, so she sat in a local café and got another drink while she waited until she could head back. She was relying on Dr Lindstrom to be able to work miracles on Rafael like he had on her.

After Liv had left them alone in the apartment, Dr Lindstrom went to what he assumed was Rafael’s bedroom door and knocked on it. He explained who he was and that Olivia had gone out and had left them alone. He asked Rafael to join him in the lounge, and after a couple of minutes, he did.

Dr Lindstrom hadn’t met the ADA before, although he had seen him on TV with some of the more sensational cases, and he had also sat in the back of the courtroom and seen him in action during William Lewis’ trial. The man who joined him though looked nothing like the one he had seen. He looked very rough, and was visibly trembling.

The therapist didn’t start by asking questions though, he started by saying what his qualifications were, gave Rafael his card and a leaflet with his practice details, and explaining how he felt he would be able to help someone who had been through what Rafael had. He told him that Olivia had explained what had happened to them both when she had seen him, and that she had mentioned that she was worried about him. He made it very clear that all sessions were confidential, so not only would he not reveal anything Rafael told him to Olivia, but he also wouldn’t be telling Rafael anything about how Olivia was or what she had said about it.

Rafael frowned. “She appears to be coping fine with it. Unlike me.”

“Why do you think that is?” Dr Lindstrom asked him.

“Liv told me that she has learnt how to deal with trauma like that. I suppose that’s the only positive thing that has happened as a result of William Lewis. I’ve never had anything bad like that happen to me.”

“I know you are aware what Lewis did to her, as you prosecuted him. I saw you at the trial by the way; I was impressed.”

“I didn’t know you were there,” Rafael commented. “Liv never said anything.”

“I didn’t tell her I was going, and there were so many people there I’m not even sure she saw me. I wanted to see him though, and when I knew he would be cross-examining Olivia, I thought I should be there so I would better be able to help her afterwards.” Dr Lindstrom knew this wasn’t what he was there to talk about, but getting the ADA talking at all was a good start, and reminding him of his job was also positive.

“Did it help?” Rafael wanted to know.

“I think so. I can’t really be certain. But Olivia is right when she said that coping with that trauma has helped her this last week. Don’t think that her reaction to what happened is the normal one, and your reaction isn’t. I’m sure you have seen enough survivors of sexual abuse in your job to know that some level of trauma is normal. What you are going through is within the normal range after something like this.”

Dr Lindstrom noticed that Rafael had flinched when he said ‘sexual abuse’. “What bothers you most about what happened last week?”

Rafael looked round astounded. “What bothers me most? How about all of it! We were abducted and taken against our will to a warehouse and forced to perform sexual acts on each other with threats of violence if we refused. I was tasered. Everything we did was watched by that bastard and recorded on video. All of it bothers me.”

“I’m sure it does,” Dr Lindstrom agreed. He had achieved his aim, and Rafael was talking about what had happened. “Has anyone watched the video?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” Rafael answered.

“That’s one good thing. You knew that you were going to be taken somewhere against your will when you agreed to take part in the operation, didn’t you?”

Rafael looked at him. “Yes. What are you getting at here?”

Dr Lindstrom thought for a minute before answering. “I think the most disturbing thing that happened was that you were forced into taking part in sexual acts against your will. That is what is most difficult to cope with. Do you think that is true?”

Rafael sighed and leaned back, crossing his arms defensively. “Yes.”

“Do you feel guilty about that? Feel that you shouldn’t have responded or been able to perform?” Dr Lindstrom was pretty sure that this would be the problem, but wasn’t sure if Rafael would be ready to admit it yet.

“Yes,” Rafael muttered, not looking at the doctor.

“Thank you. Most people wouldn’t have been able to admit that, even though it was the truth. I am sure that from your job you are aware that you didn’t do anything wrong and have no need to feel guilty, and know that arousal is a physical response to sexual stimulation, and has nothing to do with consent. But knowing that doesn’t stop the guilt does it? I can help you with that.” Dr Lindstrom felt a change of subject was best at this point, as he didn’t want to push Rafael too far.

“Are you planning to go back to work any time soon?”

Rafael shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve asked for leave. I don’t feel up to working, or facing anyone. But I haven’t made any decisions yet.”

“That’s good,” Dr Lindstom said. “Now isn’t the time to make life-changing decisions. But staying stuck here thinking about what happened isn’t likely to help you either. If you can do some more normal things, that will help you. Get out and get some fresh air. When you feel like it, see if there’s any work you can do here, part-time, to get you back into the swing of things without having to go back full-time.  
Try not to avoid people. The longer you do that the harder it will be to face them again. Do something each day to get out of your comfort zone.”

Dr Lindstrom stood up. Rafael looked at him in surprise. “It’s time for me to go. I think I’ve left you enough to think about today.” Rafael looked at the clock and was surprised to see they had been talking for nearly an hour. “I think you should make an appointment and come and see me next week. I can help you get your life back. It will take time, but we can do it together. Ring my office tomorrow.” He held out his hand and Rafael stood up and shook it before thanking the doctor and showing him out.

Rafael sat down after the therapist had left and thought about what he had said. He did feel better already from that one visit and talking to him. Just knowing that his reaction was normal, and his feelings of guilt were also normal helped him. For the first time since it happened, he felt a sense of hope that he would be able to get through this.

Just then, the doorbell rang, and he went and looked out to see it was Olivia back again, this time with lots of bags of shopping. He opened the door and gave her a hand with the bags. They both started unpacking, while he assured her she shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble for him. “Nonsense. You need to start eating more. You’re looking too thin,” she commented.

Rafael apologized for his reaction when she had told him about the appointment. He knew she had been only trying to help, and pushing him into seeing the doctor had been for the best.

“Forget about it; it’s fine. Did talking to Dr Lindstrom help?” she asked him in a gentle voice.

He looked round at her. “Yes, it did. Thanks for arranging that. I’m going to see him again next week.” She gave him a big smile, pleased that her interference was already having a positive effect.

Rafael took a deep breath. “He told me I should get out of here and start doing things, getting some fresh air.” He hadn’t missed the invitations she had been sending all week to join her and Noah in the park, but had felt too guilty to respond. He told himself that if she invited him again, this time he would say yes.

She didn’t hesitate. “That’s a great idea. So I’ll see you in the park tomorrow morning will I then? I could do with another pair of hands to help keep Noah under control.”

Rafael smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’ll be there. Thanks for the invite… and not giving up on me.”

Liv stopped putting things away at that and moved forward and gave him a hug. He didn’t flinch this time. “I’d never give up on you. I’ll always be here for you, whatever you need,” she told him.

***

The next day Liv texted Rafael to remind him he was meeting them at the park and what time they would be there. She was pleased to see he turned up soon after they did, looking still pale, but he had shaved today, and was looking casual in jeans and a sweatshirt.

Liv had told Noah that Uncle Rafi would probably be coming to see him, and the toddler had got excited. She wasn’t really sure he knew who that was, but she wanted him to be okay about sharing his Mom, and also react positively to Rafael.

She needn’t have worried. As soon as Rafael sat down next to Liv on the park bench and Noah saw him, he chased back shouting his name, and ran forward to wrap his arms around Rafael’s leg in a hug of the only part he could reach, before he reached his arms out, wanting to be lifted up.

Rafael did this, and as he felt the small body in his arms and the toddler’s arms wrap around his neck, he felt his heart melt. He felt a big smile erupt on his face, and looked into the eyes of the young boy, saying hello to him. He heard a click and saw Liv with her phone taking a photo of the two of them. She looked really happy. Rafael could see in her face how much joy she got from being with Noah, and see the love in her eyes, and in those of Noah when he looked at his Mom. That made Rafael a bit sad. He had no one to look at him like that.

Noah decided he wanted to go and play some more, and now he had a new person to play with, so he scrambled down and took Rafael’s hand and started to pull him away. Rafael looked at Liv, who shooed him away, telling him to go and play. He was led over to the swings where Noah waited for Rafael to pick him up and put him on the smallest swing and then push him, which he did. Rafael did this for the next 15 minutes, enjoying the delighted giggles that were coming from Noah.

Noah saw that someone else had come to see his Mom, and so gestured for Rafael to get him down. He then rushed as quickly as his short legs would allow back to see who else had arrived. Rafael followed slowly, recognizing Fin and Amanda easily. He wasn’t sure he was really ready to face them yet, but there was no way to avoid them without being obvious about it.

Liv was looking over some papers that Fin had brought her to sign that wouldn’t wait until the following week, and Amanda was crouched down talking to Noah. As Rafael approached, Fin smiled at him and apologized for interrupting their playtime. He then asked if he could clarify a technical point about a warrant with Barba, as he was there. He said yes, and soon found himself embroiled in a conversation about what they could and could not do with the type of warrant they had gotten. Amanda and Liv shared amused looks. Liv was pleased that they had come, as she felt that if Rafael was nervous about how people would treat him after what had happened, seeing them be completely normal with him would help.

After the two detectives left, Noah ran off to play with a friend that had arrived, and the two little boys were soon chasing each other round the grassed area. “That’ll be good for him, and tire him out,” Liv commented. She was pleased to see that Rafael looked much better today. His eyes still had shadows under them but they were less bloodshot, and he seemed much more in control and was even smiling.

“He really is a great kid. I can see why you got attached to him so quickly,” Rafael commented. “He’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m lucky to have him,” Liv corrected him. “I never thought I’d be able to have a family, not with this job, but although it’s hard sometimes, I will never regret taking Noah on. He reminds me of the good in this often cruel world, and takes my mind off the job.” She looked at him, seeing the sadness there. “He might not have a Dad, but he has lots of great male influence with all the Uncles he has around him. You saw his reaction when you got here today. You’re part of our extended family too. Don’t forget that.” Rafael smiled at that, still watching the little boy who was now stroking a dog that was standing with its owner patiently while Noah petted it.

“One of the things I was thinking about last weekend was how lucky I am for all the good things I have, and how grateful I am. I have Noah, a job I love, and great friends. That’s not even counting the more mundane things we take for granted like a roof over our heads, enough food to eat, and all the resources of a great city like New York. Just being able to get out and enjoy the sunshine and having the freedom to do this are things to be thankful for. I could have lost all this last Friday night if we hadn’t been rescued when we were. You could have done too. We were lucky.” She held out her hand and Rafael took it, and looked into the park. He hadn’t thought about it that way before. He had been concentrating on the wrong things. He should try and see the positives.

“So,” Olivia said, “last week you told me at the club that you are a good cook. I think you need to prove this. How about I get a babysitter for Noah one evening and you cook something for me?”

Rafael looked at her in surprise. He had forgotten he’d told her that. “Okay. Do you have any preferences, food-wise?”

“No. I’m not fussy. Cook anything you like. I’ll check when Lucy’s free and text you what night if that’s okay with you?”

Rafael smiled. “That’s fine.” He was already thinking about what he would cook her.

They stayed at the park until lunchtime, and then decided to go to the nearby café for some lunch together. Noah was a bit crabby as he was tired and hungry, and Rafael realized it wasn’t easy managing your own lunch and feeding a toddler too, but Liv seemed to be used to it. He was getting more comfortable around Noah, and him accepting Rafael without question was lovely. He realized lunches like this would be what it was like to be part of a family. He had never experienced it before, but found he liked it.

Soon after lunch they parted ways. Liv needed to get Noah home for a nap, so Rafael went back to his apartment, thinking about recipes and looking up ingredients. He hadn’t noticed, but he was already distracted from thinking about what had happened to them. Liv emailed him the photo that she had taken of him and Noah, and Rafael printed it out. He had been thinking that he needed more photos up. Now he had one. It just needed a frame. He would get that tomorrow.

Liv had confirmed that she would be free Saturday night as she had a babysitter for Noah, and agreed with Rafael that she would be at his apartment at 7pm.

***

Rafael had spent all day preparing for Liv’s visit. As well as cooking, he had worked on his home, so not only was the whole apartment tidy, it was sparklingly clean too. He had set the table and put on music, and when Liv came in and looked round, she spotted not only the work he had done on it, but also saw a new picture frame on the wall, which had inside it the photo she had taken of Rafael and Noah. It made her smile, just looking at the two of them together.

She was wearing a knee length red dress, which she knew flattered her, and was gratified to see that Rafael had dressed smartly too, wearing deep brown pants and a cream shirt that flattered his skin tone. The conversation was easy between them, and the food was delicious. Rafael had cooked a traditional Cuban dish which he had learnt from his mom, so he told her. She had brought a bottle of wine with her which they shared, and they had ice cream for desert.

It was a perfect evening, without tension or any uncomfortable silences. At the end of the night when Liv’s cab arrived, she put on her coat and gave Rafael a hug goodbye as she thanked him for a lovely evening, and then kissed him on the cheek before walking away.

Rafael had been surprised they had been so comfortable together, and after she had gone he realized if he had had such a great night with anyone else, he would have considered it a date, and been hopeful for more than a peck on the cheek at the end of the night. This was Liv though, and even though they appeared to have their friendship back, he didn’t expect or even want more, he didn’t think. He couldn’t think of sex without remembering what he had done, and thought it would be a long time before he might feel ready to go to bed with someone again. He tried to put these depressing thoughts out of his mind, while he finished clearing up then went to bed, thinking of Olivia, and the great night they had just had together.

Monday morning saw Olivia back at work. She was pleased to see that although there was a pile of paperwork for her to do, no one treated her any differently to the way they normally did. Carisi seemed a bit unsure what to say to her at first, but when he saw the others laughing and joking with her the same as usual, he soon settled down.

Monday also saw Rafael at Dr Lindstrom’s office for his appointment with the therapist. He was a bit apprehensive about it, but could see that speaking with him the week before had helped him, so was determined to make the most of the doctor’s expertise, and be honest with him.

This time Dr Lindstrom asked him what he had been doing since they last met, and seemed very pleased with Rafael’s answers. He went through some strategies for coping with traumatic events, including thinking about what he was grateful for. Rafael told him about his conversation with Olivia in the park where she told him what she was thankful for, and said he had started listing things he was grateful for in his life, adding a few more every day. It had a mixture of things on it, like Olivia’s smile and Noah’s laugh, but also had more basic items on it like indoor plumbing.

Liv also had another visit with Dr Lindstrom. He was pleased with her progress, and knew that her being back at work would also help her get back to normal.

He quizzed her about something else she had let slip in her retelling of what had happened to them. She had told him how much she had been enjoying Rafael’s company at the club, and how different he had been to what she was used to. She had obviously given away that she had found him attractive. Lindstrom wanted to know how that would affect their relationship.

“So I get the impression you found Rafael attractive and really enjoyed spending time with him outside work. If the evening had gone to plan, and you had both been rescued as soon as you got to the warehouse, how do you think you would feel about Rafael now?”

Liv had to think about that. “I like and trust Rafael, and I can’t say that about many people other than those I work with in the precinct. That is rare, and not something I take lightly. I think if things had gone differently, having seen what Rafael is like when he’s relaxing outside work, I’d have wanted to see more of that. I’d probably have been keen to pursue a non-work relationship with him, or at least find out if he was interested in doing that.”

Dr Lindstrom then asked again; “So, knowing how things now turned out, and what happened that night; how do you feel about him now? You’ve said you would be happy working with him, but would you still want to pursue a relationship if that was an option?”

Olivia thought about it. She remembered how gentle he had been with her that night, how he had tried to protect her, and also that despite being forced into being intimate with each other, he had aroused her and made it feel good for her. “Yes, I think I would want that. What happened earlier that night showed me a different side of him than I knew, one that I found attractive. Events later that night didn’t change how I feel about him. He showed me how much he cared for me in how he treated me. Does it sound strange that I would even consider this with him after what happened?”

Dr Lindstrom smiled. “Not at all. You’ve both been through a trauma, one you share. If you can help each other through it your relationship will be all the stronger for it. As you’ve said, you’ve got trust there already, and he understands your job. That’s a good start. But I think you need to go slowly, and see how he feels.”

Liv agreed. She remembered what a good night they had had together when she had gone round for dinner, and decided they needed to stay in contact regularly, with maybe more dinners in the future.

So although Liv was busy with work and Noah, over the next few weeks she made sure to text and call Rafael regularly. They soon settled into a routine where she rang him every night after she put Noah down to bed to see how he was doing, and tell him about her day. It seemed strange not to see him at work, but he had arranged to take a couple of weeks leave, so Alex was still covering at the ADA’s office. She did see him outside the job though, as one evening he came round with bags of shopping and cooked her and Noah a meal and spent the evening with them both. They also met up again in the park each Saturday.

The following week she had a problem, as Lucy was ill. Nick’s mom wasn’t around either and Liv had to be in court, so couldn’t take Noah into work with her. In desperation she rang Rafael and asked him if he could look after Noah while she gave her testimony. He agreed, and came round to her apartment, as all the toys were there and it was also child-proofed, unlike his place. When Liv got back she found him just putting Noah down for a nap, and singing a lullaby for him. She listened to him singing until he finished and the toddler was asleep. She had never heard him sing before – he had a lovely voice. She told him so when he joined her in the lounge, and she saw him blush; he wasn’t used to compliments. She saw his t-shirt had splashes of Noah’s lunch on it and his hair also had something in it too. He seemed to have coped as babysitter for the morning though, and told her he had enjoyed it.

***

After that, Rafael made the decision to go back to work part-time, with the DA’s full approval. His first day back was difficult, as he was concerned how he would be treated by those he worked with, but he tried to be as normal as possible, and found that his colleagues did the same. His first visit to SVU brought back memories of the last time he had been there, but again, everyone from the squad treated him as if nothing had happened, so he soon relaxed and could focus on the work, and not worrying what people around him were thinking.

***

Rafael’s next visit to the therapist after this saw him discussing his relationship with Olivia. This had changed drastically in the last month, and Rafael explained this to Dr Lindstrom, who asked as he was talking so much about Liv and Noah. Before the night of the kidnapping, he had really only seen her at work, or outside work but discussing cases. They really hadn’t spent much time together where work wasn’t the focus. But since that night he had been on leave most of the time, so the time they had spent together had been about outside interests. They had discussed movies, books, argued politics, and he had cooked for her and taken care of Noah. None of these were things he would have imagined ever happening before.

Before, he had spent most of his time at work, and the time he wasn’t there was spent mostly alone. He would have described himself as having no personal life. Now that wasn’t true. He now had Noah and Olivia in his life, and he had started regularly cooking again, plus enjoying re-reading a series of books he had enjoyed in the past. He had even started watching a TV show regularly, although he did admit that was so he could discuss it with Olivia.

Dr Lindstrom could see that Rafael was growing more attached to Olivia and no longer thought of her as just a co-worker. He obviously knew how she felt about the ADA, and where she would like their relationship to go, but he wasn’t sure if Rafael had considered a romantic relationship with her. He decided to ask the question and plant the seed. “So how would you describe your relationship with Olivia?” he asked the lawyer.

“She’s a friend, a very good one,” Rafael answered without hesitation.

“Do you think your relationship would have been different if the night of your abduction had gone differently?” Lindstrom asked him.

“I think if that night hadn’t happened, we would have stayed as just work colleagues, and not turned into friends the way we have done. It’s only because of what happened to us that we’ve gotten as close as we have done.” Rafael knew this was the truth.

“It seems to me that your friendship started at the nightclub, before your abduction. If you had been rescued straight away, as had been the plan, do you think your relationship would have changed?” Dr Lindstrom was trying to be careful to not give anything away. It was difficult when he knew Olivia’s feelings on this subject.

Rafael thought about it for a minute. It was difficult to know really. He did remember how much he had enjoyed Liv’s company and he had thought that he would like more of it. He blushed as he realized what the answer to the question was. “Uh, well, yes, we did get on really well then. If that had been the end of the night, and the rescue had happened as planned, then I think I might have considered asking Liv out, getting to know her better outside work.”

Dr Lindstrom smiled at him. “How about now? You’ve got to know Olivia much better now and spent a lot of time with her since then. Where do you see your relationship going?”

Rafael fidgeted in his seat. “Well, of course that night didn’t go as planned, and we didn’t get rescued until much too late. That has changed things between us. Obviously nothing romantic could happen between us now.”

Dr Lindstrom raised his eyebrows. “Why not? Neither of you blames the other for what happened, and both of you are doing well at recovering from it. Neither of you hurt each other; rather the opposite from what Olivia told me. So why do you see it as a problem?”

Rafael wondered exactly what Olivia had said about what happened to them. ‘Rather the opposite’ sounded as if she had enjoyed what had happened. “I just can’t see Olivia ever wanting to get involved with someone romantically that had sexually assaulted her, even if it was a gunpoint, or rather Taser-point. It would bring back bad memories of that night, which we’re both trying to forget.”

Dr Lindstrom waited for a minute to see if Rafael was going to add anything else. When he didn’t he commented, “You’ve said why Olivia wouldn’t want to get involved with you, but not how you feel about it. Do you know how Olivia feels?”

Rafael thought about it. “No, I haven’t asked her, I’m just guessing. As for me, I don’t want to risk a great friendship by trying to turn it into something more. With what happened, I don’t think it’s worth the risk.”

“So you would like more, but don’t want to ruin what you’ve got because you think Olivia would say ‘no’, is that right?” Dr Lindstrom clarified.

“Yes. What I have right now with her is great. It’s enough for me.” Rafael tried to convince himself. He didn’t sound sure though, and he was convinced Dr Lindstrom picked up on that.

“I think that if your relationship can survive what happened that night, and even get stronger as a result of it, then it can survive you finding out if what you have could be more. In life you regret what you don’t do more than what you do.” Dr Lindstrom thought he’d done enough to get the other man thinking, so now he’d had his say, he changed the subject.

But after that session, Rafael couldn’t stop thinking about it. He realized he did want more from Olivia, but especially after what happened between them, he was too chicken to ask. He did agree with the doctor though, that if he didn’t find out, he would regret it. But he had no idea how to approach the subject. In the end he decided to invite Olivia round for another meal, and see if he could find a way to bring it up then. Olivia happily agreed to another night out at his home, and a date was set.

Rafael was nervous. He had cooked a good meal, and wasn’t concerned about the food. This time he had dimmed the lights and lit a candle on the table, in an attempt to make it more romantic. He was still unsure how to bring up the subject though.

When Olivia arrived, she spotted he was nervous, and saw the romantic lighting in the room. She hoped this meant what she thought it might, but as the evening went on and there was no sign of him making any move or trying to discuss their relationship with her, she decided to give him an opening.

“How are your sessions with Dr Lindstrom going?” she asked. “Do you think it’s helping?”

“They’re going fine, and yes, I do think it’s making a difference to how I think about that night, and helping me move on.” Rafael wondered if there was a way to bring this subject round to what he wanted to ask. “He keeps asking me hypothetical questions, like ‘what would have happened if you had been rescued as soon as you got to the warehouse?’ as if I have a crystal ball and know.”

Liv laughed. “He asked me that too. I bet he’s enjoying comparing our answers, even though he can’t tell either of us what’s been said by the other.”

Rafael laughed too. “So what was your answer?”

Liv realized that he probably wasn’t going to make a move unless he was positive she was interested. She remembered how he had blamed himself for what had happened, and had been sure she wouldn’t care about him. “I told him that I’d had a great night with you at the club, and I’d seen a side of you I’d never seen at work, and wanted to get to know more. I said I’d probably see if that was what you wanted too.”

Rafael was surprised she had given him an honest answer to the question, and that it mirrored his thoughts so closely. “Me too,” he replied softly, he said and held her eyes for a long moment before looking away. “He then asked me how what actually happened had changed my feelings.” He held his breath, waiting to hear her response.

“I remember that one too. I told him that my feelings hadn’t changed.” Liv was watching Rafael closely, to see his reaction.

Rafael looked up at her and smiled. “Well we have got to know each other outside work since then, and as a result we’ve become great friends.”

Liv agreed, but was frustrated at his lack of understanding. “Yes we have, very good friends. That wasn’t what I had originally been thinking in the club though.” She saw Rafael look more intently at her, and he went very still, waiting to see what she said next. “I had been thinking we should try being more than friends.” Rafael still didn’t respond. “I still think that,” she added softly, before reaching one hand across the table.

“But, after what happened to us, how could you want that?” Rafael asked, confused, but still reaching out and meeting her hand halfway between them.

“What happened was you stood up to the bully who was holding us hostage, trying to protect me even though you knew he was a murderer who wouldn’t hesitate to resort to violence. You showed how much you cared for me with every move you made that night, and were very gentle with me. Why would what that man forced us to do change what I feel for you?” She could see tears in Rafael’s eyes as what she was saying sunk in.

She stood up and pulled him up beside her, wrapping her arms around his neck, before pulling his head towards hers. He could take a hint, and put his arms around her back and kissed her softly. When she responded he kissed her again, and then slowly deepened the kiss. This was one thing they really hadn’t done that night; there being only one frantic kiss just before they were rescued. This was nothing like that. This was romantic and passionate, not born of fear.

Rafael pulled away to breathe and looked into her eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want to bring back bad memories of that night, or risk losing our friendship.”

Liv smiled. “Are you kidding? Nothing that happens between us will bring back bad memories. What I remember is that you have skills that tell me you will be damn good in bed, when given the right circumstances!”

At that Rafael laughed, and it released all the tension he hadn’t realized he was feeling. Still, when Liv pulled him towards his bedroom, he resisted. “I’m not sure…do you really think we’re ready for this?” he asked, hesitating.

“Yes,” she answered, tugging his hand again. “This is what I want, and want to replace those bad memories with good ones, for both of us.”

He looked into her eyes and saw the certainty there, so gave in. This was what they both wanted, he was convinced of that now.

He put on both bedside lights, so there was soft lighting in the room, and then he took her in his arms again, and kissed her passionately, until they were both out of breath. He pulled her close to him so she could feel his hardness pressing into her hip, and watched her reaction to see if she had a problem with it. She didn’t. Instead she started unbuttoning his shirt, and then took it off. She had seen his bare chest that night, but hadn’t really had the chance to appreciate it. Now she did, running her hands through the chest hair, and caressing his nipples to see if he was sensitive there. He was.

It was only when he pushed her away from him that she realized he had undone her dress and was trying to remove it. She helped him, and pushed it down her arms until it shimmied down her curves and off her body, leaving her only in her underwear. She had hoped for this end to the evening so had worn a pretty matching set of bra and panties, which judging by the look on his face, Rafael appreciated very much.

She stepped forward to kiss him again, but this time undoing his pants and pushing them down, caressing the hardness she felt jutting out at her as she did. He gasped. He turned them around and then pushed her back so she was lying on his bed. He finished taking the pants off and also his socks then he joined her. He ran one finger down from her collarbone to her hip, seeing her skin react to his touch and the pebbling of her nipples beneath the lacy bra. He breathed over the nearest peak through the lace, taking the other breast in his hand and caressing it, before tugging gently at her nipple. She arched her chest out towards him with a moan, and then reached behind herself to undo the bra fastening. He quickly removed the redundant lace and then continued caressing her. He stopped when he heard her breathy whisper “Please, more,” and moved up to kiss her again, while one hand moved down to caress her through her panties.

She opened her legs and thrust her pelvis up towards the hand hovering above her, barely touching her. He could feel the wetness even through her panties, so moved his hand underneath the lace, brushing first her clitoris, then the soft, wet folds further down. She was moaning constantly now, and he continued to stimulate her, using his thumb on her clitoris and easing two fingers inside her. He sped up his actions, watching her response and within a few minutes she arched up in his arms and moaned his name as he felt her muscles clamp down on his fingers. He milked the response then removed his hand, and also her now very wet panties.

While she recovered he took off his boxers and reached into the bedside drawer to find a condom. By the time he had done that, she had her eyes open and was watching him with a sated smile on her face. “I knew you were talented,” she commented, before drawing his face towards her and kissing him passionately. She reached one hand down and started caressing his cock, which was hot and hard and needing no encouragement. She reached for the condom, and opened it before putting it on him. He had to grip the base of his penis to stop himself coming just at the feel of her hand on him, after getting so turned on seeing her fall apart in his arms.

She pulled him on top of her, opening her legs and wrapping them around his waist. “Now,” she whispered, “make love to me.” He moved himself into position and slowly entered her, stopping when he was fully impaled in her before starting to move.

She ran her hands down his back, feeling the smooth skin and rippling muscles underneath as they moved together. They kissed passionately and when they pulled away to breathe, gazed into each other’s eyes and watched the arousal continue to build.

Their movements gradually increased in pace, and he could feel himself getting closer, so moved a hand down and pressed her clit in time with his thrusts. She gasped his name as she came this time, and with the tightening of her muscles, he couldn’t hold on any longer, and moaned her name as he came inside her.

He was careful not to collapse on top of her, but pulled out and removed the condom before rolling them over until they were lying on their sides, still wrapped up in each other while their breathing and heart rates slowed down. She pulled away slightly to look in his eyes and he kissed her again. “Thank you,” he whispered. She could see tears in his eyes, and feel them in her own. They fell asleep like that, feeling safe and loved.

They had been through a horrible ordeal, one that would have broken most friendships, yet theirs had grown stronger.  
They had overcome the trauma of what had happened to them, and used the shared experience to grow closer.  
Their feelings had changed and now they had the chance to not only be friends, but lovers, and share a life together.  
Despite what had been done to them, they had no regrets, as the love that had grown from it would last them both their lifetimes.


End file.
